This story is a group project for Discourse Analysis class created by AUA students. It is a parody of life hacks (like WikiHow and BuzzFeed) that make life easier.
Granny loves you, she will never let you stay hungry. The incredible force will make you eat once an hour. Stay at granny’s home, and you would never have the strength or courage to refuse the meal she suggests. :)
Home, LITERALLY Sweet Home.
Take a three-day holiday. Stay at home…..Stay in bed. Avoid walking, and working out. Do not go to the toilet. Get your food from family members and enjoy watching favourite TV shows all day long.
This TRICK Will Help You Stay THICK.
A large number of fat people live in USA. Coincidence? I don’t think so. The fast food courts will never let you pass by them indifferently. McDonald’s, Burger King, SubWay, Panda Express…. Do you have the super power to refuse them?
We are not fat, we just have big bones....
Go after her all day long until she gets home. Do so for one week to be sure that she stayed at her own home.
If You Are A Hot Chick And You Have A Boyfriend...... You Do Not Have A Boyfriend Anymore.
Buy a bubble gun from the first toy shop you met. Wait until she gets into a calm place where no people are passing by, cover her mouth with your hand, put the toy gun on her head and make her give you her contacts.
Do not pull the trigger. It won't work anyway.
Tell all of your friends about her. Tell them also to tell their friends too. Ask them to call or message you everytime they see the girl you're spying on.
Hey, Hey, She's around.....And Looks Gorgeous BTW.
No man likes smelling unpleasant odor from a girl. Tell him you could not take a shower for a week as it was broken. Tell him how dirty you are, the way your hair stick to each other and the awful smell of your body.
Sorry babe. Not today.
Tell him you have tuberculosis. It is a great way to avoid seeing him on Valentine's Day. He won't even try to come to see you at home.
Oh dear, I'm dying...
Tell him you fell out of love a day before Valentine's Day. Stay quiet, do not make scandals, make him believe it. After you break up, go home, make a party with single girl friends and get over him.
Simple as That!
Well, here is a completely new method that is unheard of. Introducing you THE IPHONE CHARGER. It is very convenient. You can carry it with you in your bag, even in your pocket anywhere you go. By just plugging it into the wall you can get an endless amount of charge for your phone. Believe me, this method is tested by millions of people, and it actually just works.
Here is a revolutionary new way of keeping your iPhone charged all day long for the rest of your life.
If you ask me for another advice on keeping an iPhone’s battery always charged, claiming that a charger is not enough, I would probably recommend you another innovative technology. You would most likely be already thinking about the inconvenient power banks, but here I am to tell you, there is a better way around. Actual studies show, that it is possible to use a potato to get unlimited amount of charge. Sounds doubtful to you? Just do some research, watch some high quality videos on the web.....
...or try it yourself.
But what if there is no wish to carry around a charger or potato? What then? Don’t panic. The third method which I am going to teach you does not require any kind of equipment. The only thing you need is a hand. People say, that rubbing a battery on your jeans can generate a powerful amount of charge. Though there is no way to take the iPhone accumulator out, and then place it in it again, try to do so anyway. I’ve tried it once. It works.
Do not hesitate to try it yourselves, in public.
Try wearing a suit. I know you have never probably thought of this, and it is most likely going to be a real struggle for you, but just try it once. You can even go a little bit crazy and also wear a tie. The selection of a good shirt can play a big role too.
Don't forget to choose the right size...
Change something in your everyday look, and by something I actually mean your haircut. Come up with a completely new hair style. For example, you are a lady who knows what she wants, who is independent, who is strong, who is tough. Now for a scenario like this one I would suggest dying your hair bright pink or blue. Just let that mentally broken teenage girl out, and you are going to be unstoppable.
Go ahead! Make that change..
Yeah, go naked ;)
If that’s not gonna be impressive, I don’t really know what will.
Naked. Just do it.
The cough is sometimes good. When you let the gas out of your stomach, start coughing parallel to the fart-sound.
When you feel the fart is coming, sit at an armchair, and then keep on wondering how could the armchair make the sound.
Let me see, bro...
Right after when you fart, act like an astonished person who has no idea what has just happened. Look at the people around you, then spot exactly one of them, and look at him/her with a strange glance. Act like you think 'what a shame'.
It's not funny, dude. It's unpleasant.
Pretend you are very strong and are capable of doing more than 100 push ups. Do not forget to do the push ups around her. Make sure she looks at you every time you do it.
Do not forget to look into her eyes.
Be as brutal as you can. Women dislike gentle boys. Try to always be in her field of view. And... you can even ask someone to get her offended and brutally protect the girl.
And, do not forget to do the push ups...
Actually, it is simple. After a little work out, just go ahead, and... pick her up.
Call them from unknown number and try to drive them mad. Tell them that they will die in seven days if they don't send a large amount of money to your credit card. Ask them whether they do believe in YEOVA. Keep on doing this for several hours. Try to be creative and make them scared as much as you can.
Do not give up.
This old but gold trick actually works! Just call up your local pizza parlor and order a few large, smelly pizzas. Order lots of garlic and anchovies on it. Place it to your neighbor’s front door and wait for the goods to arrive. Your neighbor will be oblivious and annoyed and may even be forced to pony up for the food they didn’t order. You can even order the pizza to the front door when you’re out of the house, so your neighbor has less reason to suspect you. Just make sure the pizza place can’t trace your number or call you back when they see that there’s been some confusion.
No need to pay, Sir.
Take your neighbor’s parking spot. If you live in an apartment building with assigned parking, then one of the most annoying things you can do is to snatch up your neighbor’s parking spot. This will be incredibly annoying, especially if there are few parking spots available and s/he’ll have to walk pretty far after parking in an available spot on the street. Though your neighbor will know it’s you, this trick can really be annoying, especially if you act completely oblivious.
Of course, this will work best if your spot has been taken, too.
Open the assignment book and closely look at the given tasks. Just keep calm while you do that. Take a deep breathe, and let it out. I know its hard to be in control. If you do not understand the task, read it for several times.
Do not forget to take notes.
I said keep calm and don't panic. Start to write the assignments. The more you write the more you are messing it all up...
Keep Calm Anyway.
Yeah, I know it's hard so keep calm. Burn that homework assignments and go party. Because either way you are going to fail!!!
I like to burn it, burn it... Ya like to, burn it!
To the iPhone users' delight, the new iPhones are water resistant. So, there is nothing to worry about. Take a cup of water and put your iPhone into the glass. It will zoom in everything on your screen.
Be patient while doing this.
Another good method is buying an iPhone case with a pocket and always keep there a little reading glass. When you need to zoom the screen, you get the glasses out, put on, and take a look at the screen once again.
You can order the case from ebay.com. Thanks in Advance.
This is the easiest method that requires no equipment, no effort and nothing. Use your eyes. Take the iPhone and look at it really close. After your eyes catch the focus, you'll see everything you want like it is zoomed in.
If you want more, you can like or share this post, or print it and stick on the trees right over the announcement about the lost dog.